Loved and Lost
by secretindulgence24
Summary: SPOILER! Following 3x14 its time for Damon to stand up for himself and he does. Elena has to deal with asking herself some hard questions and for once its her turn to apologize. Can they come together after so much pain. Delena fans, come find out! R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**In case you didn't catch it in the description: SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT**

**Wow. Last night's episode was... insane. I think in the long run its good. I think the writers can use this to make the eventual Delena relationship more real. But for right now... wow. **

**I had to write this as a way to vent and because I want Damon to fight back. Not with Rebecca, necessarily, but somehow. He needs to stand up for himself here. So I hope this helps give you a little peace also.**

**Side note: Thanks for the great response to Choose Your Own Path. I really appreciate the reviews and the support! I will update the story as soon as I can, but I had to get this off my chest first. And maybe a couple more chapters of this... I have an idea for where I want it to go.  
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XOXO

Elena took a deep breath as she eased open the door to the Boardinghouse and stepped inside. She'd waited as long as she could, but there was no way she was going to let the night end without making things right with Damon. That was hard to do when he wouldn't answer her calls.

So here she was, standing in his foyer in her pajama pants and a hoodie, still struggling not to ask herself why she cared so much.

"Damon?" She spoke quietly, knowing he would hear her whether she whispered or yelled. "Damon, please, I know you're here and I really need to talk to you."

He appeared in the doorway of the main room in a flash of silent lightning. His hair was mussed and he wore only a pair of black silk boxers. A drink was in his hand and a carefully casual look masked his face. He raised an eyebrow at her. "Elena. To what do I owe this inconvenience?"

She stepped toward him, letting her genuine apology read in her eyes. "You didn't answer my calls. I wanted to explain…"

He took a slow sip of his drink before narrowing his eyes at her, a tight, humorless smile on his lips. "I can't think of a single thing you need to explain. So go home."

"I'm sorry." Elena wrapped her arms around herself. "I didn't mean what I said. Of course it's not a problem that you…"

"That I love you?" He cut her off, tossing back the last swallow of his drink and tossing it over his shoulder. The sound of the glass shattering against the floor made her jump and he smirked. "You're right, Elena. It's not a problem. Not anymore."

"Damon, don't do this."

He pursed his lips together and nodded. "Right, of course. This is the part of the evening where you tell me what to feel." He edged toward her. When he spoke, he did a poor imitation of her voice. "Come on, Damon, I know you can feel something. You can't really switch off your feelings. I'll make you feel. Look at my pretty smile and my big brown eyes. Ooo, now I'm going to insist on getting close to you, on worming my way into your cold, dead heart."

"Damon, stop." Elena's voice cracked and she felt tears welling up. "Please."

"No, we can't stop there, Elena." Damon hovered over her. "Not there. It's not enough just to tear open old wounds and keep insisting I find my humanity again, no matter how much pain it causes me. No, then there's the part where I feel everything again, when I spend every moment of my day terrified that something is going to happen to you because I know I wouldn't want to live if you were dead, when all I want is one hint that you care about me. And after that part…" He chuckled coldly, "well then comes the part where my love becomes a problem. Where all the things you made me feel become inconvenient for you. That's my favorite part, Elena. What's your favorite part?"

"It's not like that." Elena tried to reach out to touch him but he shrunk back from her as though her touch would wound him deeper than vervain ever could. "I don't not want you to love me, Damon. I don't."

He nodded, his eyes narrow, his jaw clenched. "Oh, I know. Trust me, I get it. You want me to love you just enough to keep me around, to give you little butterflies now and then, to keep me cleaning dead hybrids off your porch." He shook his head. "But real love… real, all-consuming, breath-stealing, I-would-die-for-you love… you don't want that from me, Elena." He held up his hands, palms out. "Well your wish is my command. Now you don't have it."

He turned away from her and Elena felt her heart break inside her chest. For once she didn't stop to think. She moved after him, grabbing his arm and turning him around. She looked deep into his eyes, letting herself feel all the emotion she saw there, and then she rose up on her toes and pressed her lips to his.

He kissed her back hard, gripping the back of her head in one of his hands and holding her to him so he could kiss her with bruising force for a few short seconds.

And then he pushed her away, anger flashing in his eyes. "Never do that again." He snarled the words at her as she tried to catch her breath. "You don't get to do that."

Tears fell freely down her cheeks now and she tried to find a way to explain. "Damon, don't shut your feelings down like this. Please. We can work this out. We can… I want to."

"I don't." His whole body seemed to loom over hers and his eyes… the look in them chilled her. "I am done being the second choice, Elena. I can't do it again. You will never feel for me what you felt for Stefan and it was stupid of me to think you ever could."

"You don't know that."

"I can see it all over your face." He moved closer to her and took her chin in his hands, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Look me in the eye and tell me. Tell me you didn't try to reach Stefan tonight. That you didn't try to reconnect with him. Convince me, Elena."

She opened her mouth, wishing the words would come, but she knew she honestly tell him what he wanted to hear. And she knew that trying to explain that she just needed closure with Stefan, she just needed to understand what had happened to them, was pointless. He wouldn't understand. She let her eyes plead with him. "Damon…"

"I thought so." Bitterness laced through his tone. "Let me explain the situation, Elena. Stefan doesn't want to care about you anymore because it hurts too much to feel. But no matter how hard he pushes you away, you will always go back to him because there is something about him that, frankly, I don't understand at all. But its there and you can't fight it. Or you don't want to."

"I don't want to be with Stefan."

"It's rude to interrupt, Elena." Damon's cold tone grew colder. "As I was saying, you're too blind to see that your precious first love is gone forever. You were too blind to see that there was someone who was willing to change everything, to work day in and day out to deserve you. You slapped real love in the face one too many times."

"No." Elena tried to move toward him.

"Yes!" Damon practically shouted the word at her as he held her off. "And here's the most important thing. Are you ready? I've figured it out. See, if there's something about you that means no one will ever see you for the person you could be, that means no one will ever really love you… then you're free."

"That's not true, Damon." Elena let the tears fall, reaching out toward him. "I love you. Stefan loves you."

He moved toward her, invading her space, crowding her against the wall, his eyes wide and dangerous. Lifting a hand, he swept her hair behind her ear and then met her eyes. "Well stop. Because from now on, I'm free. And I'm no one's second choice." He stepped back. "Now get out of my house, Elena."

He turned and strode out of the room, leaving her against the wall, unable to stop the free flow of tears. She watched him walk away, the pain in her chest growing with every passing second, and in that second she knew. She had broken him, and it hurt more than anything, because she suddenly understood with absolute clarity that he was it for her.

She loved him. And she had lost him.

XOXO

***Deep Breath* Well I feel a little better. Damon needed this. **

**But. I'm too much of a Delena fan to leave them here. So I hope you stay tuned for more and I hope you'll leave me a review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, thank you to everyone for the great response to the first chapter of this! I'm so glad it was cathartic for all of you as well. :-) I'm still working out some of my demons in this chapter too and the muse is going strong. I hope you all enjoy Elena's first attempts to redeem herself. Thanks again for reading!**

XOXO

Elena stood in her bathroom, looking in the mirror that reflected her red, swollen eyes back at her. She'd done little but cry for the past day and she didn't see an end in sight. Everything ached and he was all she could think about. The look on his face, the broken sound of his voice…

She missed him. How had she never realized how much their constant contact comforted her. They hardly went more than two hours without a text or a call. They never went a whole day without seeing each other. What kind of person was she if she could let the routine of his presence keep her from realizing just what he meant to her?

His face. She kept seeing it in her mind, seeing the heartbreak on it. She wanted to erase that look, make sure that there was never a reason for him to feel that way again.

She wanted a chance to love him the way he had unfailingly loved her and she was desperately afraid she'd lost her only chance.

Walking back into her bedroom, she picked up her phone and ran her thumb over the screen. Sighing, she hit the speed dial button for Damon. Holding the phone up to her ear, she didn't even bother to hope.

It rang once. Twice. And then it went straight to voicemail.

_You've reached Damon Salvatore. If its important, leave me a message."_

It was the same message she'd heard over and over again for the past day, and she'd given up leaving messages. It was important, but he didn't seem to think so and no matter how many times she asked him to call her, he wouldn't.

So she'd have to find another way to make him listen.

XOXO

Stefan strode into the main room of the boarding house and poured himself a drink, carefully ignoring his brooding brother standing by the window.

They occupied the same room in silence for several long moments before Damon turned around.

"What do you want, Stefan?"

Stefan raised an eyebrow. "Who says I want anything?"

"Please. Like I can't recognize you on a savior's mission by now. You've decided you need to help someone. So who is it and why should I care?"

Stefan nodded. "Okay, fine. You caught me. And you should care because believe it or not I'm here to help you."

Damon's eyes narrowed and he turned back to the window. "Save it, Stefan. Trust me, you really don't want to help me with this particular… event."

"Elena called me. She told me what happened."

"Of course." Damon sneered. "I'm sure you two bonded over it quite nicely."

"She's miserable, Damon."

"Yeah, well, that makes two of us."

"It makes the three of us dead and prevent that is where I come in." Stefan moved to stand by the window too, but didn't look at Damon's stony face. "You know I don't want you and Elena anywhere near each other but facts are facts. We've got a brood of originals in town and one powerful queen bee with a plan to hatch. So unless we stick together, we don't stand a chance in all of this."

"I thought Mama Bear was keeping us out of danger. So all we have to do is sit around and wait for the kaboom and then bye-bye originals."

Stefan shrugged. "Call me cynical, but I don't think its going to be that easy."

"Probably not." Damon muttered.

"So you and Elena have to play nice." Stefan faced his brother. "Not too nice. But nice enough."

Damon pressed his lips together and swirled the drink in his hand. "Not going to happen, brother. She's going to have to be your responsibility again." Damon turned and started walking out of the room and Stefan sighed.

"You still love her, Damon."

Damon stopped and glanced over his shoulder. "Yeah, well, nobody's perfect."

Stefan watched as his brother kept walking away and shook his head. He was hoping it wouldn't have to come to this, but they all needed to work together. So he'd do Elena this favor no matter how much he hated the thought of her and Damon locked up together indefinitely.

Pushing away from the wall, Stefan slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out the syringe, running his finger over the edge before sprinting after Damon and stabbing him between the shoulder blades, releasing the full does of vervain into his system.

XOXO

"Thank you, Stefan." Elena leaned against the open doorway of the cellar in the basement of the Boardinghouse. "I know this is… awkward. But I have to talk to him and he won't let me anywhere near him. Its been days and I'm losing my mind."

"Its none of my business." Stefan kept his tone and face carefully neutral. "Just fix it so that we can get back to business."

"You know I tried normal ways first, right? I called, I texted, I came by. He wouldn't talk to me."

Stefan shrugged. "He cares too much."

"I'll decide what's too much, Stefan. He should wake up soon, right?"

"Any second." Stefan glanced toward the staircase, obviously not wanting to be around when Damon came to. Elena couldn't blame him. "Look, you know the drill. Your phone is here…" He pointed to the Velcro strap he'd rigged up just outside the bars on the door. "If you need out, call me. I'm the only one with the key to the door so don't bother calling anyone else."

"Right." Elena nodded. "We'll be fine."

Stefan shook his head. "I hope you know what you're doing, Elena. Damon can be hard to deal with when he's like this."

"He won't hurt me. At least not physically."

"Whatever you say." Stephan pushed away from the wall rubbed his hand over the back of his neck as he backed away. "Good luck. I guess."

She nodded and gave a brief wave. "Thanks."

"You're going to need all the luck you can get, Buffy."

Damon's dark voice made Elena jump and she turned to face him, taking in his hooded eyes and slack posture. He was still weak, just barely conscious."

"Hey." She stepped inside the cell and closed the door behind her. The lock clicked from the outside and Damon rolled his eyes.

"Seriously?" He muttered, struggling against his chains vainly. "You know you just locked us in here, right?"

"I know." Elena gestured toward the other side of the cell where she had two sleeping bags and plenty of food and blood to hold them over for however many hours they needed to be in here. "You've been avoiding me and I needed to talk to you."

"So you stabbed me with a mega dose of vervain and locked us in a cellar." Damon grumbled. "Great. This isn't going to change anything."

"Actually, Stefan stabbed you." Elena reached down and picked a bag of blood out of the cooler she'd brought in and held it out toward him. "I'm sorry if it hurt. Here. Blood heals."

"Maybe I'd rather have yours." He let his face change, staring her down, daring her to shrink away.

"Okay." She spoke simply, calmly, setting the bag back down. Approaching him, she brushed her hair off her neck and sat beside him. She held his gaze as she tilted her neck back. "Go ahead."

He stared at her, his whole body going rigid. "Stop it, Elena. I'm not playing games with you."

"It's not a game." She looked him straight in the eye. "If you want my blood then take it. Take a few drops to get your strength back or take enough to satisfy you. I trust you."

"Well you shouldn't."

"No?" She leaned closer, almost hoping he would take her up on her offer. Just to be close to him again, to feel some connection with him, it was worth it."You seem pretty trustworthy, Damon. Here you are… a vampire… and I'm offering you fresh, human blood. Don't you want it? I want you to have it. I want you to have whatever you need."

He let out an almost feral growl and suddenly leaped up, breaking through the few chains she'd used. The effects of the vervain had worn off. "Enough." His voice was low and gravelly. "We're done here, Elena. Get us out now or I promise you'll regret it."

She stood too and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Damon, but there are things I have to say to you and this is the only way to make you listen."

"Nothing you say matters. What's done is done."

"Maybe." She acknowledged. "But I have to try. I didn't mean what I said, Damon. At the ball. It was…" She faltered, holding tears back, "It was such a mistake and I never meant for you to hear it the way you did. And its not your fault, its mine. I know that. I just need to find a way to make you understand and it might take me a while." She attempted a smile and gestured to the cell they were in. "That's where this place comes in handy."

He stared at her for a long moment and she had a brief moment of hope that he was going to hear her out. But then he shook his head. "You really don't get it, do you? Its not about the ball, Elena. Sure its bad form to throw a guy's words back in his face when he tells you he loves you, but what you've done is so much worse than that."

"Tell me, then." She stepped toward him and he took a step backward. "Tell me what I've done, Damon."

"You already know."

She nodded. "You're right. I do. So I'll tell you."

"Let's not and say we did." Damon walked toward the cell door and leaned his head against the bars. "Anyone out there? Hello? Being held prisoner usually makes me go on killing sprees when I'm let lose, so fair warning…"

"I was callous." Elena forced herself to continue even though he showed no interest in hearing her. "I wanted it all. I wanted to have my relationship with Stefan and I wanted to have you in the little box I created for you."

"Don't, Elena."

The faint break in his strong voice almost broke her, but she pressed on. "I've always… felt things for you, Damon. You know that. From the very beginning there was something between us. Just an attraction at first, maybe, but it grew. We were good as friends and I depended on you."

"You mean you used me."

"I wish I could tell you you're wrong." Elena looked down at the ground. "I knew how you felt about me and I didn't know what to do about it. I didn't want to lose you so I let you too close and at the same time I held you away from me and it wasn't fair. None of it was."

"It doesn't matter now."

"Yes it does." Elena walked toward him and for the first time since they began talking, he didn't shrink away from her. But he didn't let her close, either. The look in his eyes had her halting several feet away. "It matters, Damon. I don't know what I could have done better, but I know I made mistakes. And it only got worse when Stefan left because it was all so real then. You were right there and I needed you so much. We got so close…"

Damon closed his eyes and turned away from her, his hands linked behind his head.

"I held onto both of you and somehow I convinced myself that I wasn't doing that. That I wasn't like Katherine. I told myself I didn't feel that way about you."

He let out a humorless chuckle. "Right. Because if you had to choose, it would still be Stefan."

"Are you sure about that?"

He turned back toward her, his eyes hard. "Oh, I'm completely convinced, Elena. My turn to make speeches now. I know it will always be Stefan because no matter what he does, you can't ever really let him go. Stefan can rip through the countryside, tearing people apart, sucking their blood, and piecing them back together. Stefan can tell you to go to hell while you stand in front of him all brokenhearted. Stefan can call you a blood bag, ignore you, abandon you, half-kill you, and it doesn't matter. You still want him."

"That's not…"

"I'm not done yet." Damon cut her off. "Now let me tell you about the other side of the story. I can spend a year loving you from a distance and being happy with whatever label you want to give us. I can spend an entire summer tracking down my idiot brother just because its important to you. I can save your life over and over again and comfort you when you're scared, cheer you up when you're sad, change myself just to please you, promise to never leave you, to make sure you get whatever you need, spend every waking moment trying to make sure you're happy and safe. I can do all that and you'll barely notice. And if you do notice… well, then it just irritates you. Then I just care too much. I'm just a problem you have to deal with."

"Damon…"

"Shut up, Elena." Damon's eyes went wide and his jaw hardened as he leaned toward her. "You know what all that means? What it really means? Because it might sound like I'm just a guy head over heels in love with a girl who couldn't care less. But what it really means is I'm a pathetic, useless sap. For the second time."

"No." Elena shook her head. "You're not, Damon."

"I didn't ask you what you thought." Damon leaned back, tilting his head, his eyes frigidly cold. "Face facts, sweetheart. Only an idiot would keep putting up with this. And I'm a lot of things, but I'm not stupid."

Elena felt the tears building in her eyes and she hoped Damon could see them and maybe believe, even just a little bit, that her heart was breaking too. "So there's nothing I can say?" She asked softly. "You've crossed from love to hate and there's no going back?"

"There's no going back."

She stared at him, her breath catching as she tried to hold back the sobs and keep some amount of dignity while he rejected her. "Okay. I'll make you a deal then." She moved toward him, looking up into his face, ready to risk it all. "Say it. Say the words and I'll call Stefan to come let us out."

He looked at her warily. "What words?"

"Tell me you hate me and mean it and you can leave." Elena steeled herself, fully prepared that he might actually be able to do it. "If you can convince me that you hate me, then its over."

He pressed his lips together and stared at her, his gaze boring holes into her. "And what's to keep me from finding the phone you just admitted you had and calling Stefan myself?"

"You won't find it. And even if you did, Stefan's the only one with a key and he won't unlock the door until I say so."

"I bet the police would be more than a little interested in town hero Damon Salvatore locked in a cellar by a lunatic teenager."

Elena sighed and reached her hand up to his face. "Why go to all that trouble when all you have to do is tell me you hate me and I'll let you out myself?"

"Because I don't like being manipulated." He ground the words out, pushing her hand away.

"I'm not manipulating you, Damon. I just want the truth. If you hate me then there's nothing I can do and we might as well leave. But if you can't even say the words…" She lingered, looking up at him, "Then there's still hope."

She watched as he steeled himself, watched as he moved toward her, and held her breath. This was the moment of truth and she had no idea what she would do if he actually managed to say the words. She couldn't read him as he edged into her personal space, as he took her face in his hands and ran his thumbs over her cheek bones. She only knew he was struggling inside.

"Say it." She whispered, her hands covering hers. "Say you hate me, Damon. Tell me there's no chance for us."

His forehead touched hers and she closed her eyes, her heart leaping in her chest. She slid her arms around his neck and tried to press closer, but his hands halted her and she jerked her gaze up to his only to find his blue irises completely devoid of warmth. When he spoke, his voice was raspy and rough.

"Elena, I hate you."

XOXO

**Whew.** **Obviously we all know Damon doesn't really hate Elena. There's a fine line between love and hate and he's a little wobbly on that line right now. But now its time to start mending these two, so I hope you keep reading! **

**I love reading review and I especially love hearing your thoughts on the recent episodes. So thanks to all of you who have left me messages. I'm working on getting back to you. :-) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Wow, three updates in 24 hours. As I said, the muse is kicking. It won't always be this quick, though. Thanks again to all of who you keep reviewing. It means a lot to me. **

**Warning: There's a somewhat dark moment here at the beginning, but things get better.**

XOXO

"_Elena, I hate you."_

He forced the words out of his mouth while his breath mingled with hers and their fingers linked. It physically hurt him to do it, and yet a small part of him wished that if he could just voice it, it would be true.

She held perfectly still for the long seconds of silence after he spoke. Then her eyes closed, her fingers slipped from his and she stepped back. The look in her eyes cut him to the core and he had to fight every instinct to keep from pulling her to into his arms and forgiving everything.

Instead he tightened his jaw and met her vulnerable gaze with his own hard one.

"Damon…" She stammered his name, "You don't mean that."

"Don't I, Elena?"

"No." She shook her head. "No, I don't believe you."

"That's your choice."

"Damon," Her eyes pleaded with him, "Please don't do this. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. I've been stupid. I know that. Just… please…"

He closed his heart off as best he could. "Do you need to hear me say it again, Elena? Will that convince you?"

She held up a hand and shook her head. "No. Please don't, Damon."

"Why? Does it hurt your feelings?" He edged nearer to her, quickly losing control of his warring emotions. He wanted to hurt her, to hold her, to scream at her, to comfort her. "I hate you, Elena."

"Stop, please…"

He grabbed her arm and pushed her up against the wall, his face inches from hers. "I hate you. Do you hear me? I hate you."

"No," She pushed against his chest. "No, you don't."

"I do!" He shouted at her. "Why is that so hard for you to believe, Elena? How many times do I have to tell you before you'll understand?"

"Damon, please don't do this." She gripped his shirt and looked up at him. "Can't you see you're hurting me?"

"What makes you think I care? Haven't you been listening, Elena? I don't care. I don't love you."

"I don't… I can't believe you."

He turned his face so that his nose brushed against her cheek. One of his hands snaked up her arm to cup her neck, her cheek. She sucked in a shaky breath.

"Try harder then. How many times do I have to tell you? I hate you, Elena. I hate you, I hate you, I… " He pulled back enough to look into her eyes, taking in the full impact of the pain he saw there. "Why? Why can't you just accept it?" He gripped her arms, pressing her harder against the wall, watching as tears streaked down her face. "Why, Elena?"

"I don't know." She sobbed the words. "Damon, stop, please. I can't…"

"I hate you!" He shouted at her, his hands sliding up to his shoulders so he could shake her. "I hate you, Elena! I hate… I ha…I…" His voice broke and he felt his own tears forming. He cupped her face and kissed her hard. "I love you." He whispered. "Damn it to hell, Elena, I love you so much."

She gasped against his lips as he kissed her roughly, latching her arms around him and holding on tight. He kissed her long and deep, pouring everything he felt into the melding of their lips before wrenching away and leaving her wide-eyed, flushed, and wanting.

"No." He held up a hand, warding her off. "This is not happening, Elena. It is not that easy."

She stood silent for a moment, catching her breath. Then she spoke. "You still love me."

"No!" He dragged his hands through his hair and turned, picking one of the bags of blood from the cooler and throwing it across the room as hard as he could. It hit the wall and splattered, streaking Elena's arm with chilled, human blood. She startled, but he ignored her, striding over to the barred door.

He slammed his palms against the door, trying to move it solely with his own strength and adrenaline. It didn't budge and he let out a growl of frustration. "I'm done with this! This is over, Elena. I want out. I said the words. Make the call."

"No." Her voice was a whisper, but he heard it. He turned on her.

"What do you mean, no? I'm not playing with you, Elena. I want out and I want out now." His eyes widened dangerously and he loomed dangerously over her. "Push me a little further and see what happens."

"You had to convince me." Elena's voice only shook a little as she stared him down. "You didn't. You don't hate me, Damon. You still love me. You can't tell me otherwise."

He sneered at her. "Maybe. But I want to hate you. I wish with every non-heartbeat that I could hate you. That doesn't seem like the best foundation for a relationship, Elena. But then again, what do I know? I'm not the relationship material kind of guy, am I?"

"You are who you want to be."

He let out a humorless laugh. "Profound, Elena. You are wise beyond your years. But you're in for a rude surprise because whatever temporary idea of me you've cooked up in your pretty little head that made you decide that this was a good idea… it's wrong. And I can prove it."

"You can't make me hate you, Damon."

"Hmm…" He smiled coldly. "Can't I? I slept with Rebecca the night of the ball." He smirked at her before adding, "And I liked it."

To her credit, her face remained impassive. "I know."

She had managed to surprise him. "What do you mean you know? What are you my stalker now?"

"It's a small town, Damon. With lots of reasons to talk." Elena sighed and turned away from him, bending down to pick up the broken, empty bag of blood off the floor. "I knew the next morning."

"And you want me to believe you don't care?"

She shook her head and held his gaze. "I care. When I found out I wanted to die. She was there with you that night when I came to talk to you. You left me crying in your entryway and went back to her."

"Maybe." Damon shrugged. "So what?"

Elena looked down at the ground. "So it hurt me, Damon. But I'm not angry with you. One thing we've learned from the Originals… balance in the universe is important."

"And that applies… how?"

She looked back up at him. "I know I've hurt you over and over again. And you've hurt me too, but you've never made me feel unloveable like I've made you feel. Rebecca… you and her… together. Well, that balanced the scales a little."

He didn't want to feel the urge to hold her, comfort her. But he did, and the need was strong. He'd been with Rebecca for the sole purpose of forgetting Elena and hurting her in the process. And now that she was standing in front of him… hurt and noble and forgiving… he only felt a self-loathing that was all too familiar.

"Don't do that." He shook his head. "Don't play the martyr, Elena. I hate martyrs."

"I'm not." Elena insisted. "Damon, I mean it. I'm not angry with you."

"Well you should be!" He raised his voice at her. "I did it just to hurt you."

"I hurt you first."

"So you just forgive me? I don't need your pity, Elena."

"It's not pity!" She advanced on him, her voice raised now too, her fists balled at her sides. "Damon, listen to me. If you could just stop hating yourself long enough to pay attention you would realize that no one blames you half as much as you blame yourself. You don't want to be forgiven, do you? It makes you nervous. You don't understand it because you've never forgiven yourself, ever. Not for one thing in your whole life and that breaks my heart, Damon."

"Stop it, Elena."

"I won't." She squared her shoulders and stared him in the eye. "Love is about forgiveness. I love you, Damon, and I will forgive you for the stupid things you do whether you like it or not. So just deal with it!"

He stared at her, feeling himself open up to her even though everything inside him told him not to. "So what, then, Elena? If I love you I'll forgive you?"

"That's up to you." She said softly. "I can't make you forgive me, Damon."

"And what if I do?" He edged closer to her, hardly believing he was making even this one alloance. "What if I swallow my pride and forget the hurt and risk everything because you've suddenly decided you love me too? Then where are we?"

She smiled gently and stepped toward him, wrapping her arms around him and laying her head on his rigid chest. He kept his hands at his sides, not hugging her back.

"We're right here." She murmured. "Together. The rest we figure out one step at a time."

He allowed himself one touch and slid a hand down her back, pressing her closer. She curled against him and he mentally cursed himself. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. He wasn't supposed to cave in like this. But he loved her… so what was he supposed to do?

"Can we get out of here now?" He asked, carefully extracting himself from her embrace. "The small space is seriously screwing with my head."

She stepped back and gave him a wary look. "If I let you out are you going to push me away again?"

He shrugged, like it was no big deal to him either way. "We can talk."

She smiled. "Yeah?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, Elena. Trust me, we'll be talking. In particular, we'll be talking about how it's not okay for you and Stefan to assault me whenever you get the whim."

"I'm sorry." Elena walked over to the barred door and slipped her hand through, feeling around the top of the window for her phone. "Really, Damon. I wouldn't have done it if I had seen any other way to make you listen."

"Yeah, well…" Damon muttered, watching interestedly as Elena slipped the phone back through the bars. She was getting good at this evil plot thing. "Next time get creative before you get violent. Try a notarized letter, or a bird carrier or something. The broken neck and the vervain… less fun all around."

Elena rolled her eyes at him as she dialed Stefan's number. "Sure, I'll keep that in mind…"

XOXO

**I really hope you liked the pacing of this! It's hard to get the pacing of restored hope just right, but I gave it a decent shot. Again, please let me know your thoughts. I love feedback and I will respond to feedback whenever possible. Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**So, good news and bad news. Good news: Here's an update :-) Bad news: I will not be updating twice a day from now on. I still really like where this story is headed and I have huge plans for it if people are still interested. But as a student... I have to quit playing hooky from homework quite so much. **

**But I really hope you guys will stick in with me for the long haul on this thing. There's some big stuff coming that I'd love to see the show deal with. They're not going to, though, so I'll have to do it for them. **

**Thanks again for the great response! It's been so good to read everyone's encouragement. It means a lot!**

**Enjoy! :-)**

XOXO

Elena knocked lightly on the door jamb of Damon's bedroom, leaning against it as she watched him buttoning his shirt in front of the mirror. His back was turned to her, but his eyes connected with hers in the mirror and she gave him a small smile.

"Hi. Are you… busy?"

He stayed silent as he buttoned the last button on his shirt, smoothed it down and turned toward her. "Well, I have some pretty pressing drinking to get to, but I could spare a second I guess."

She moved into the room, not sure where to look or what to do with her hands. "I just… I wanted to apologize. Again. You know, for yesterday and locking you in a cell."

He raised an eyebrow. "And having me stabbed in the back by my own brother."

"Right…"

He looked her over. "It's okay, Elena. I once had Witchy spell you in your house. Don't let it happen again and we'll just call it even."

He turned away from her and moved toward his closet, grabbing a pair of boots and sitting down on the edge of his bed to put them on.

She felt awkward, just standing there without him acknowledging her, but she wasn't going to give up that easily. He had promised they would talk but as soon as Stefan had gotten there and let them out yesterday, he'd disappeared. She hadn't heard from him since.

"Damon…" She took a step closer. "Look, I thought that after yesterday, I mean…" She faltered as he looked her over again, his face unreadable. "We didn't really clear anything up…"

He finished adjusting the last boot and sat up, resting his hands on his thighs. "And what is it you want cleared up?"

"Us… and everything." She risked another step toward him. "Damon, we were dealing with some intense stuff and then you just left and I haven't heard from you. We still need to talk. You said we would talk."

He stood slowly and closed the distance between them, reaching a hand up to lightly stroke her cheek. "But I didn't say when. Time, Elena. Okay?"

"How much time?"

"However much it takes."

She covered his hand with hers and pressed it against her cheek. "I miss you, Damon."

Tilting his head, he scanned her face intently for a long moment. "Good." He gave her a tight smile before dropping his hand and walking out the door, leaving her standing in the middle of his room alone.

XOXO

"So when is Alaric leaving?" Bonnie asked as she and Elena went through the things in Jeremy's room, packing a few things he'd left behind.

"Tonight." Elena shook her head and crawled half-way under Jeremy's bed to grab his favorite green t-shirt that he'd asked for. "It was weird, kinda. The relatives Jeremy is staying with called and said that he was doing this art show and Alaric should come."

"But you think everything is okay?" Bonnie frowned over a pile of socks in one corner of the room. "Why didn't Jeremy just call?"

Elena pressed her lips together and shook her head. "I had Damon compel him not to think of his place. I don't even know what he's going to do or say when Ric shows up."

"But Ric wants to go?"

Elena nodded. "Yeah. I guess Jeremy's having a little trouble adjusting. He says things… or does things… I don't know. It's complicated, I guess. He remembers, but he doesn't. Maybe having some of his things, seeing Ric, it'll calm him down."

Bonnie glanced over her shoulder at her friend. "You're still sure this is the best thing for him, right?"

"For now, yes." Elena sighed and sat down on the bed. "If Damon and Stefan are right then the Originals will kill each other and we'll be done with all this. And Jeremy can come home. Just a little while longer."

Bonnie moved to the bed and sat down too. "Okay, since you technically brought him up… where has Damon been? It's been more than a week since I've seen him over here. He never leaves you alone that long."

Elena shrugged and pressed her palm to her forehead, trying to relieve some of the tension she felt. "He's angry with me."

Bonnie raised her eyebrows. "So? Isn't that sort of the theme of your relationship? Being angry and fighting about it?"

"It's different this time. I… we're at a crossroads I guess and he asked for time." Elena flopped back on her brother's bed. "Actually, I sort of have a confession. I haven't told you some pretty big stuff because I just didn't want to talk about it."

"Okay…" Bonnie shifted, sitting cross-legged on the bed. "So tell me now."

"I love him." Elena looked at her friend. "I love Damon."

Bonnie laughed. "I know, Elena. Is that the big secret?"

"What?" Elena sat up, staring at the witch. "You did not know."

"Please." Bonnie pulled one of Jeremy's pillows onto her lap and wrapped her arms around it. "You and Damon have been connected from day one and ever since Stefan left it's been even more obvious. You love him. I even kind of get it. I mean, he's a real jerk a lot of the time… but he's different with you."

Elena dropped her head in her hands and let out a moan. "Am I really this transparent?"

"Hey, I'm your best friend. I know these things." Bonnie laid her hand on Elena's back and rubbed. "So why is he angry with you?"

"Because I was an idiot." Elena groaned. "And then I thought… I thought we had made some progress. He admitted that he still loved me and he… I mean, we kissed and I told him I love him and… argh!" Elena flopped back down on the bed. "It's driving me crazy, Bonnie. I miss him and I'm trying to give him time but all I really want to do is drive over to the boardinghouse and make him talk to me. I just… I miss him, Bonnie. I need to know where we stand."

"Well… Ric is leaving, Elena. And I know you're pro-looking out for yourself, but it might not be a bad idea to stay with someone. So you're not alone for three days."

Elena waved off the suggestion. "No, Bonnie, I'll be fine. Nothing is even happening right now, really. We're just waiting to see what the originals do…"

Bonnie leaned closer, staring pointedly at Elena. "Yeah… but maybe you should stay with someone, so you're not alone…"

"But… " Elena frowned, but then paused. "Oh." She nodded. "Right… maybe I should stay with someone."

"Uh-huh…" Bonnie hugged the pillow closer to her. "But my mom is here and my house is totally chaos right now. And Caroline and her mom are still dealing with losing her dad…"

"Right." Elena nodded thoughtfully. "So I should ask Matt."

"What?" Bonnie gaped at Elena and hit her in the head with the pillow she was holding. "Matt? No, not Matt!"

Elena laughed and shoved the pillow back at Bonnie. "Kidding! I'm kidding. But you're going to have to pack the rest of what Jeremy wants. I have to go see a vampire about a boardinghouse."

XOXO

"Hello, Elena." Damon didn't turn his head as she approached. He was quite comfortable, enjoying the unseasonably warm day, laying out in his yard on his back, his hands linked behind his head, staring up at the blue sky. "Looking for me?"

"Yes, actually." Elena walked up to him, shielding her eyes from the sun as she stared down, a puzzled look on her face. "But I never expected to find you here… like this."

He cracked a smile. "And why not? It's a beautiful day out. I'm enjoying the weather and contemplating."

"Contemplating." Elena tilted her head. "That's all so very… human of you, Damon."

"I try." He patted the ground beside him. "Pull up a patch of grass, Elena. I don't trust you standing over me like that. Makes it too easy for you to vervain me."

She rolled her eyes. "Damon…"

"Kidding. Mainly. Ish." Damon watched her as she sat down beside him, wondering at the strange sense of peace that stole over him when she was around. He knew his avoidance of her was taking a toll on her, but it wasn't easy on him either. He craved her company every minute. But the fact of the matter was he didn't know what to say to her yet. It would be so easy to just hold her and kiss her and listen to her tell him she loved him and believe her. That's what he wanted.

But it wasn't that easy. Nothing ever is. The fact of the matter was he'd been hurt far too many times to accept that things could just be easy between them now. And even if he put aside all that anger and hurt there was practicality. Being with him was dangerous for her. And being with him, ultimately, would only bring them both heartache. She didn't want to be a vampire. Neither did he, actually. But only one of them had a choice in the matter.

"That's some serious contemplation." Elena murmured and he turned toward her, finding her closer than he expected and looking at him intently. Did he have to love her quite so much?

"Yeah, well, I have a lot on my mind." He shifted, subtly putting distance between them. "But the question is… what's on your mind? Do you need a favor or are you just still missing me…?"

His tone held a challenge, but she seemed to ignore it.

"Both, actually. Ric is leaving town for a few days. Going to visit Jeremy and make sure he's transitioning all right."

Damon looked up at her, carefully analyzing her face. "You okay with that?"

"Yeah, fine." She shrugged. "I wish I could go and see him, but now is not a good time to leave the originals here and besides… seeing me will only help him remember this place."

He nodded, freeing one of his hands from behind his head and reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry, Elena."

She caught his hand as he lowered it and linked his fingers with hers, her eyes wary on him the whole time. He didn't protest, though, and she settled their linked hands on her lap.

"Thanks." She murmured. "But I was wondering… with Ric gone, I'll be alone in the house and…"

He jolted upright, but didn't disturb their joined hands. "Absolutely not. You're not staying by yourself in a house that original vampires can walk in and out of."

She nodded. "Yeah, I thought you would feel that way. So… I was hoping I could stay here for a few days." She flushed and stammered, her eyes dropping. "If you need more time before we can talk, I get it I just… I…"

He pressed the back of her hand to his lips, cutting her off with the sweet gesture. "Stay. You'll be safe here."

She bit her lip to hide her smile. "Thank you, Damon. Really. I know I'm not… your favorite person to be around right now, but…"

He laughed more freely and genuinely than he had in a long time, startling her into confused silence. "Elena, you are brave and fun and funny and sweet and selfless and drop-dead gorgeous, but sometimes… you can be so dense."

"Hey!" She pulled her hand away from him and smacked him. "I'm not… dense."

"You are, actually." He shifted to a more comfortable sitting position and took her hand back in his. "You are and will always be my favorite person. That's how love works, Elena."

She stared at him. "Damon…" She shook her head. "I am… so confused right now. How can you… I mean…" She pressed her fingers to her temple. "Okay, start over. Let me remind you what's been going on. So… you were overprotective because you love me and then I said something really stupid that launched a year's worth of angst into the open, we fought a lot, I trapped you in a cellar and poured my heart out to you, you told me you hated me and that you loved me, and when we finally calmed down and I let you out you promised we'd talk but you've spent the past week ignoring me and telling me to give you time." She lifted her free hand in a helpless gesture. "So now where is this Damon coming from? The Damon holding my hand and telling me he loves me Damon. Are you bipolar? Can vampires be bipolar?"

"Every vampire is bipolar, Elena. It comes with the territory." He smiled at her confusion. "No, look. I did need time, okay? And I've had a lot of time. I'm not… angry with you anymore, Elena, but that doesn't mean I know what to do with any of this. This would be a lot to process even for a guy who has practice with processing emotions. That's not me."

She nodded. "Okay, so… you're getting there?"

"Why don't you just ask me what you want to know, Elena." He looked deep into her eyes. "Ask me and I will answer you honestly."

She took a deep breath. "Do you love me?"

"Yes."

She bit her lip, then blurted, "Do you hate me?"

"Sometimes."

"But… you love me more than you hate me?"

He sighed and tried to find the words he needed. "It's not that simple, Elena. Love and hate are connected. You can't have one without the other. Not when the love is as strong as what I feel for you. So, yes, sometimes I hate you but the love is always stronger."

"Okay." She drew her knees up to her chest and hugged one arm around them. "After everything that's happened between us… can you ever be with me?"

"I don't know." He spoke the words softly, wishing he didn't have to. "It's complicated, Elena."

"I know." She looked down. "I've hurt you…"

"And I've hurt you." He squeezed her hand, bringing her eyes back to his. "And being together could hurt you even worse. Being with me is dangerous."

"Being without you is worse."

"I don't know…" Damon stared at the ground. "I'm not going to change, Elena. I can't just stop being overprotective or impulsive or any of the other things you wish I wasn't."

"I don't want you to change who you are, Damon."

He looked deep into her eyes. "Don't you? Because a week ago my love was a problem, Elena. And it doesn't matter that you wish you hadn't said it, because you felt it."

"No." She rose up onto her knees and took his face in her hands. "I didn't mean it that way, Damon. I just… I need you to try to trust me more and when you push me around I get frustrated and I wish…"

"That I was more like Stefan? Docile little Stefan who spent more time listening and respecting you than he did keeping you alive. That has always been my job. I get to be the bad guy, the one who will do what needs to be done even if he's hated for it."

"I never hated you for protecting me, Damon. I just needed you to talk to me more. You didn't want my input."

"You didn't want to give it to me." Damon wrapped his hands around her wrists and squeezed. "Elena, you said it yourself. You kept me at arm's length… you didn't talk out your plans with me. You just informed me what your decision was. Or you even skipped that part and I just got to find out the plan after you'd already risked your life."

He rose up on his knees too, bringing their faces close together. "I don't want to control you, Elena. Start talking to me and I'll start talking right back and we'll have a regular communication blowout. We'll communicate the crap out of whatever it is that's going on. But you have to stop scaring me to death with your complete refusal to watch out for your own safety. Because if you get yourself killed I'm going to have to spend the next 150 years trying to figure out how to unkill you and I don't want to do that again."

"Okay." She whispered when silence had fallen between them again. "Okay, you're right. I promise, Damon. From now on you're in on everything."

"Good."

"But…" She gave him a hard stare. "You have to trust me more. You have to believe that I am not helpless. I'm not a victim, here, Damon. Not unless I let myself be one. I can't spend my life having everyone else risk theirs to save mine. I'm a Petrova doppelganger. This is my...destiny, too."

He clenched his jaw, wrestling with the desire to tell her there was no way he was promising to let her have an active role in anything. But he pushed the need to control down and gave her a tight nod. "Okay. Fine. We'll communicate and trust and stuff. Whatever."

She smiled and leaned into him, wrapping her arms around him. "I love you, Damon."

He drew her close, ignoring the awkward position and the doubts still lingering in his mind, and just held her, breathing her in, running his fingers through her hair. He'd never been this close to her before. Even when he'd had her pinned against the wall, kissing her, touching her, they hadn't been close like this. She had relaxed her body against him, her head on his shoulder, her lips brushing his neck. Her heart was pressed against his and he could feel it beat, could almost imagine that his beat in rhythm with hers.

The scent of her perfume mingled with the scent of her blood and he drew in a deep breath, letting it wash over him. "I love you, too." He whispered in her ear, feeling her shiver. She curled into him and he closed his eyes.

"Aww." A sultry voice shattered the peaceful world he was existing in. "Now this is sweet. You two have finally found each other."

Damon tightened his grip on Elena as they both turned toward the source of the voice. He edged his body so that he was ever so slightly in front of her.

"Katharine." He gritted her name out. "You're back."

"I am." Katherine smirked. "But let's keep that our little secret, shall we?"

XOXO

**So... surprise! :-) Don't worry... this isn't going to become a fic about a whole ton of vampire drama. There will be a little bit, of course, but Katharine is just because because I don't think Damon is ever going to be able to really deal with his stuff until he says a few things to her. So she'll be making a brief stop and then be on her merry way again. **

**I love to hear back from you guys so please leave me a review! And thanks for reading!  
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	5. Chapter 5

**It's been so long since I've gotten to write! I'm glad to be back and able to update at least once this week. I'm ambivalent about this week's episode, so I don't have much to say about it... meh. And now a month-long break. Meh, again.**

**But in my world... Damon and Elena are doing just fine :-) This chapter is about Damon recognizing why Katherine rejected him, owning it and moving on. I'm not sure how people will view this exchange. It's pretty short, but I think Damon hears what he needs to hear. It's something I've wanted to see happen for a long time. Katherine comes back in the show and stomps all over his heart, insults, him, etc... but he never gets to really hear why it was always Stefan. **

**Once he figures it out... it'll be easier to let himself trust more. **

**Anyway, I hope that comes across. **

**Thanks to everyone for the great response to this story! Hope you keep enjoying. :-)**

XOXO

"I wondered how long it would take." Katherine smirked, twirling one of her curls around her finger. "He's hard to resist, isn't he, Elena? All that dark sexuality…" Katherine bit her lip. "Gets you every time."

Damon stepped forward, crossing his arms over his chest, raising his eyebrows. "What do you want, Katherine? You run out of places to hide?"

"Don't be mean, Damon." Katherine pouted, then gave a cat-like smile. "I came to visit. The least you can do is invite me inside." She tilted her head. "Oh, wait, I don't need you to."

"You're not staying here." Damon insisted. "Been there, done that, never happening again."

Katherine chuckled. "And what are you going to do about it?"

"Whatever he has to." Elena moved to Damon and slipped her hand into his, linking their fingers. She glanced up at him, giving him a small smile when he looked down at her in surprise. This was her chance to show him that she would stand by him, support him. His thumb stroked hers and she shifted closer to him.

"Ugh." Katherine rolled her eyes. "Great, you guys are all new lovey-dovey sappiness. Gag me."

Damon tore his gaze away from Elena and tilted his head at Katherine. "Is that an invitation?"

"Mmm…" Katherine smirked. "For you… always."

"What do you want, Katherine?" Elena let all the frustration she felt come through in her tone. The vampire world that had somehow collided with her world was on the verge of quieting down and Katherine shows up, promising to bring trouble with her. It was the last thing they needed.

"I've been hearing rumors about the originals and I need accurate information." Katherine shrugged one shoulder. "There's no need to make this big and dramatic. I'll come in, we'll all have dinner, you'll fill me in, and I'll leave. Trust me," She rolled her eyes, gesturing around her. "I have no desire to settle back down in this town."

"We tell you what's going on and you go?" Damon asked cautiously.

"I'll be gone before you can wave goodbye and then you two can get back to your… eye contact."

Damon looked down at Elena, silent communication passing between them. She gave a small shrug and squeezed his hand, trying to convey that she would follow his lead on this one. After a long moment of contemplation, Damon turned his gaze on Katherine.

"Fine." He smiled coldly. "Won't you come in, Katherine? We'd love to have you. Really."

XOXO

"Are we really going to let her stay here?" Elena whispered as they walked into the main room of the boarding house.

"Until we see why she's actually here, yes." Damon whispered back, pressing her fingers. "Nothing is ever simple with Katherine."

"I just want her gone, Damon."

"I know." He gave her a long look, then pressed a kiss to her temple. "You don't need to worry, Elena."

"No, Elena," Katherine cooed from the other end of the room where she was pouring herself a drink. "We wouldn't want you to worry. Not sweet, wonderful, perfect Elena."

"Back off, Katherine." Damon's hard voice reverberated around the room. "You say you came for information, I'll give you information. The original family is back intact, including the witch mother, minus the slayer father."

Katherine cocked a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "So you blew it with Mikal."

"Stefan blew it." Elena chimed in. "Sort of. It's complicated."

"You don't need the details." Damon interrupted. "Klaus lost control of the coffins he's been toting around with him. One thing led to another and suddenly we were all the middle of an original reunion. Except mommy. She's having a bit of a mood swing."

"Let's just say something more specific." Katherine suggested.

"She performed a ritual at a ball last week." Elena picked up the thread of the story. "She put my blood in the champagne toast and then performed some ritual that linked all her children together. If one dies, they all die."

Katherine narrowed her eyes. "Even hybrid children…?"

"Even hybrid children." Damon held out his hands. "And then all of this is over. Unless you…" He glared pointedly at Katherine, "Do something to mess that up for us. You wouldn't do that, now would you, Kat?"

"I want Klaus dead more than anyone, Damon." Katherine smiled tightly. "But am I the only one here that thinks it's just a little bit odd that you haven't heard anything in a week? What's mommy dearest's timetable here?"

Elena looked up at Damon, worry in her brown eyes. "We've been so preoccupied…"

"Of course." Katherine rolled her eyes. "You're in the sunshine and rainbows stage. The forget-about-deadly-hybrid stage. Good thing I stopped by to keep us all focused."

"Uh-uh." Damon shook his head. "Thanks ever so much, Katherine, but no. We don't need your help. You wanted an update, you got it. Now its time to go. As in all the way gone. For a long time. Let's start with forever and see where we go from there."

"Damon, maybe she's right…" Elena bit her lip. "Why haven't we heard anything? How long is this going to take?"

"Elena, don't let her put ideas in your head." Damon glared at Katherine. "Everything is fine. Esther wants to right the world. She will."

"When did you become an optimist, Damon?" Katherine smirked. "Has love changed you that much?"

"Shut up, Katherine." Damon sneered. "You don't know a thing about love and even less about me."

"Ooo, feisty." Katherine sauntered forward. "I like it." She leaned toward Elena. "Damon's always hotter when he lets his aggressive side show, don't you think?"

Elena clenched her jaw, her heart beating fast in her chest. There was no way she was going to let Katherine see how on edge she was, though. "See that's the difference between you and me, Katherine. I don't pick a side of a person to love. When I love, I love completely. You should try it sometime."

"Hmm…" Katherine shrugged. "Sounds boring. Tell me, Elena. When you fall out of love, do you do that completely, too? Or will you always still love Stefan?"

Damon bared his fangs and launched himself at Katherine, pinning her up against the wall. "You're done, Katherine. Say your goodbyes quickly because I just ran out of patience."

"You're not going to kill me." Katherine rolled her eyes. "You never do."

"Damon, wait." Elena moved across the room, laying her hand on Damon's back. "She's not worth it. Let's just get her to leave."

"No." He snarled the word in Katherine's face. "We have unfinished business."

"Damon, please…"

Damon looked over his shoulder at Elena. "I'm not going to kill her, Elena. But Katherine and I are going to have a talk. One you shouldn't be here for."

"I'm not leaving you."

"Elena." Damon ground out her name. "Trust me, okay? I need to have a conversation. Go home." Damon let go of Katherine and backed away, keeping a wary eye on his sire. "Pack, say goodbye to Ric, come back. Everything will be fine."

"Damon…"

"Elena, if this is going to work out, you have to trust me. You want me to trust you, right? It's a two-way street."

"I do trust you." Elena moved toward him and took his face in her hands. "I was going to tell you that, but you got all aggressive." She smiled at him to let him see she wasn't upset. "I'll be back in an hour, okay?"

"Thank you." He slid his hand down her arm, squeezing her shoulder.

"Sure." She glanced at Katherine, narrowing her eyes at the look of fascination on the vampire's face. Just to make sure they were all clear on where they stood, she rose up and pressed her lips to Damon's, kissing him softly, sweetly, adding a hint of spice with a flick of her tongue against his bottom lip.

She pulled away, touching his face. "I love you, Damon."

He tilted his head and stared into her eyes, an uncharacteristic look of peace settling on his face. "I know."

"Good." Elena swept his hair out of his face. She glanced at Katherine again. "I won't be long."

XOXO

"So sweet…" Katherine smirked. "All sweet kisses and long looks and breathy promises. How does it feel, Damon? You got everything you ever wanted… is it enough?"

Damon let his vampire features slide out as he advanced on his former obsession. "Shut up, Katherine. It's my turn to talk."

"Mmm…" Katherine chuckled softly, moving to walk her fingers up his chest. "So hot when you're aggressive…"

He grabbed her hand and spun her around, pinning her arm behind her back. "You keep coming back. There must be a reason, Katherine. Maybe you wanted to know about Klaus, but that's not the only reason. Tell me why."

"Maybe I wanted to see you again." Katherine looked at him over her shoulder. "I miss you when I'm gone so long…"

"Bull." Damon jerked her arm. "You don't care about anyone but yourself."

"I care about Stefan…" Katherine smirked. "Maybe I came to see him in his darkest moments. Enjoy them with him…"

"He's not interested."

Katherine pulled away from his grasp and turned back to face him, raising a delicate eyebrow. "What is this really about, Damon? You've got something on your mind. You could have interrogated me about my reasons for being here in front of Elena."

"Perceptive." Damon spoke through tight lips. "Let's get down to business then. You once told me you never loved me."

Katherine rolled her eyes. "Not this again…"

"Yeah, Katherine. This again. For real this time, though. I want to know why." Damon advanced on the vampire who so closely resembled Elena on the outside, but possessed none of her inner beauty. "You made it perfectly clear that you never felt anything for me, but you've never told me what it was that was so repulsive to you. Was it the way I accepted what you were and loved you anyway? Maybe it was the way I never questioned you on anything, came to your room when you wanted, left when you told me to. Was it that, Kat? Was I just too damn accommodating?"

Letting out a huff, Katherine perched on the antique desk against the wall. "Yes, actually. If you must know I found your doting adoration equally boring and irritating."

Damon clenched his jaw and stared at her. "That's it? That was the only problem? I loved you too much?"

"You were a given." Katherine shrugged one slim shoulder. "Sure, you were fun from time to time… good in bed… fun to look at. But you weren't a challenge. Stefan always was."

"Stefan?" Damon scoffed. "Stefan. He worshipped you. That night… outside your room… he threw himself at you… pledged his undying love. How is that a challenge?"

Katherine smiled and shook her head. "I know. But that's what it made it interesting. He loved me completely, and all on his own. But I always knew… I knew I could lose his love. It made me interested in keeping it…"

Damon felt a sudden urge to laugh and went with it. Raising a hand, he dragged his fingers through his hair, his laugh deepening, growing more dangerous. "Do you have any idea how messed up you are, Katherine? Do you have any idea? I mean… wow. You are such a twisted… sick… person. You wouldn't know love if it staked you in the heart."

Katherine rolled her eyes. "Dramatic, much?"

"No." Damon sped toward her, taking her by the shoulders and pushing her across the wall. "Do you know… how long I waited to save you? Do you know what I felt when I realized it had all been a lie? Do you have any idea how many times I have wondered what the hell is so wrong with me that the women I care about never feel the same way?"

"Let go of me, Damon. Or I'll throw you across the room. You know I can."

Damon loomed over her, his face mere inches from hers. "I dare you to try. All this time and hurt, Katherine… and it was all because you don't have a shred of humanity left."

"Humanity is overrated."

Damon stepped back, dropped his hands, shook his head. "Not when you realize what love actually is. Not when the person you want loves you back."

Katherine stepped away from the wall and brushed herself off. "You know… when I came back and you were all aggressive and horrible, I actually considered giving you a second chance to prove yourself worthy."

"Lucky me."

"But," Katherine turned her cold stare on him, "Now I'm glad I didn't fall for it. Because underneath it all, you're still the same lovesick fool you always were. All devoted, and caring, and pathetic. It makes me sick."

Damon nodded and took her face in his hands, stroking his thumbs over her cheek. "Well, then… one last bad boy thrill for you. Just cause that's the kind of guy I am."

Hardly blinking, he snapped her neck and tossed her one the floor. He stepped back, surveying her body, relishing in the fact that he felt nothing toward her anymore. Not love. Not in a long time. Maybe never. But not hate anymore either. No self-loathing, no doubt, no worry that he was un-loveable.

The only emotion he felt was pity. For Katherine.

And hope. For himself. He could move on with Elena, and maybe even believe that he did deserve to be loved.

He nudged Katherine's temporarily lifeless body with his toe and smirked. Boy was she going to be pissed. That was fine. He wasn't going to be here when she woke up anyway.

There was a different Petrova doppelganger waiting for him. A sweet, wonderful, sometimes obliviously stupid one. But she was his. She always had been, even if he was the only one who knew it sometimes.

Now it was time to go claim her.

XOXO

Elena smiled as she packed her bag, throwing in a few of the items Damon had been interested in over the years. She wasn't sure if they would get to a point where he would be able to appreciate the red lace boy shorts during her stay, but just in case…

She blushed at the thought, the palms of her hands tingling, her stomach fluttering. Damon… just kissing Damon was mind-blowing. More with him would be…

She blushed a deeper red and gave herself a mental lecture. There was no guarantee that he was ready to actually be with her. She'd hurt him and it might take a while for him to get over that. She'd give him all the time she needed.

Her own reflection caught her eye and she raised her hand to her lips, tracing her finger over the same spot Damon's lips had touched less than an hour earlier. If the way he kissed her… the way he'd responded the last time she told him she loved him… was any indication, they were making good progress.

As long as Katherine didn't hurt him.

She returned to packing, determine to get back to Damon as soon as possible. She didn't hear Stefan enter the room as she pulled a nightgown from her drawer. When she turned around, she nearly ran into her ex-boyfriend's solid chest.

"Oh!" Elena jumped backward. "Stefan, you scared me. What's wrong? Did something happen to Damon?"

Stefan gave her a long look. "I haven't talked to him. I just stopped by to see you. Going somewhere?"

Elena looked down at the short night gown in her hand. "Uh, yeah… I'm staying with you and Damon for a few days while Ric is gone. Just to be safe."

Stefan nodded. "Good. I was going to suggest that."

She managed a weak smile. "One step ahead of you." She moved around him, folding the night gown and putting it in the bag. "Was there something you needed?"

"Does there need to be? Maybe I just wanted to see you."

Elena swallowed hard, a tight feeling constricting in her chest. "Stefan…"

"Elena, the other night… I meant what I said. When I let myself feel, I only feel pain. So much pain."

"Stefan, don't."

"But there is hope." Stefan moved toward her, taking her hand in his. "There's so much that I regret. But that night, after the ball… you showed me you still care. And so do I."

She shook her head. "Stefan, you don't understand…"

"Just let me finish." He pleaded, his pain and vulnerability showing through his eyes. "I know you and Damon have been… talking. But where is that getting you, Elena? And where do you even want it to get you? He's not right for you. He never will be."

"Stop it, Stefan." Elena held up a hand. "I mean it. Don't talk about him that way."

"He's a loose cannon." Stefan pushed on. "Maybe he's controlling himself right now, but its not in his nature. How long will that really last?"

Elena's mouth hung open. "Are you serious, Stefan? You want to talk to me about how long Damon can control himself? Have you seen yourself these last few months?"

"I know." Stefan's voice cracked and he moved closer to her, touching her face. "I know and I'm sorry. But I've fixed things worse than this and I want to try. I want to get through the pain and get back to you. Elena, please…"

She sucked in a shaky breath and looked into his green eyes for a long, terrible moment. And then she shook her head, whispering, "No, Stefan. What we had died a long time ago and what I have with Damon is just beginning. It might be hard, but it will be worth it. I'm so sorry…"

Stefan's gaze grew hard. "He doesn't deserve you."

"It's not about deserving. He loves me, Stefan. In a way… I think he loves me more than you ever did. And he's a good man. You know that. You love him, too."

"Elena…"

"I'm sorry." Elena whispered, genuinely feeling for the man she used to love with all her heart. "I'm so sorry because I never meant to hurt you. I never would have hurt you Stefan, if you hadn't broken my heart. You left me and I let you go."

"You gave up on me. Not something I ever thought you would do."

"It wasn't like that."

"You gave up on me. Did you ever really even love me, Elena?"

"You know I did." Elena's voice cracked and she felt her heart doing the same.

"I don't know anything about you." Stefan sneered. "What is it, Elena? Do you just want him? Do you just want to finally act on that attraction you've always felt for him? Did you think I didn't know?"

"I love him." Elena spoke slowly, willing herself to stay calm. She was so focused that she almost didn't see Damon's arrival in her doorway.

"Of course she's attracted to me, Stefan." Damon's silky voice cut through the tension in the air as he sauntered into the room. "She's only human after all."

"Damon," Elena moved toward him, desperately glad for his presence. Without a moment's hesitation, she rose onto her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing against him. He was safe from Katherine and here in her bedroom. She breathed him in deeply, savoring the moment as he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her to him.

"Well hello to you, too," He murmured in her ear. "Everything's fine. Katherine is… incapacitated for the moment."

"Katherine?" Stefan ground out the name. "She's back?"

"She is." Damon kept his eyes on Elena, sweeping her hair back from her face. "Stefan, you may want to leave now. Or you can stay. But either way, I'm about to kiss Elena."

Elena barely sucked in a breath before Damon's mouth covered hers. His hand cradled the back of her head, his fingers tangling in her hair, and she slid one of her hands down his chest, gripping his shirt. He angled his head, deepening the kiss, drawing her in. His mouth was possessive, sure, strong, but his hands were gentle, stroking her face, caressing her hair.

Seconds passed before he began to slow the kiss, dropping a few tender kisses on the corner of her mouth, along her jaw, before pulling away. He smiled down at her and she blinked up at him, her heart pounding in her chest.

"Wow." She murmured.

He gave her one of his crooked smiles. "And that's just the beginning. We're going to make this work. It won't be perfect, but it'll be good. You're the only one I want." He touched her chin, stroking his fingers along her jaw. "Even if it took you a really long time to figure us out and even if you occasionally say incredibly obnoxious things."

Elena gave him a half smile, sensing his teasing mood. "Call it a character flaw?"

"Mmhmm." He leaned down and kissed her. "But that's okay, Elena. Because I don't love often, but when I do, I love unconditionally."

"I really, really like that about you…" She stretched up onto her toes and drew him in for another kiss. He made her see stars for only the briefest of moments before he pulled back.

"Oh, yeah." He snapped his fingers and pointed at Stefan who was standing stock still in the corner of the room, hands balled, jaw clenched. "I forgot to mention. I snapped Katherine's neck and she should be waking up… now-ish. So we might want to, you know… get ready for a fight to the corpse."

XOXO

**I'd love to hear what you guys think. I may end it here and turn the idea I originally had into a slightly different story. Or I may keep going. I'd be interested in what you'd like to see. I really want to explore the idea of Elena deciding if she wants to be with Damon forever, she has to let him turn her. **

**I also have an idea for a sweet, compulsion story. I know, that sounds weird, but just go with it. Before I can write it, though, I need to figure out where the line between T and M is. Anyone willing to give me their two cents on that? Send me a PM and I'll owe you big time! **

**Review, review, review! :-)**


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